Tomomi and I got married in Japan back in 2017. It was an awesome experience and something I've been wanting to share and only just got around to it.
Personally I've never seen the appeal of big flashy (stressful) weddings. I just never understood. It seems like you would spend an absurd amount of money, time and stress for the benefit of your guests - or is it just some flexing and competition between couples and families as to who can throw the best wedding?
A simple to mid-range wedding in New Zealand will cost anywhere from $8k to $50k. Of course it's entirely possible to do a lovely small ceremony with a small guest list but we had other ideas.
Combining a Wedding with a Holiday
Almost every year we spend a few weeks in Japan during the springtime. The 2017 trip (which was only my second trip) still holds the spot as the longest, busiest and best trip we have done. We combined our wedding with our holiday.
We managed to do a busy 3 week holiday in Japan including our wedding for around $10k. Amazing value you must admit!
Kyoto bound
First stop on this trip was Kyoto. After the 11 hour flight from Auckland to Narita I'm usually very much done for the day. Not this time. We pushed on, getting the train to Shinagawa station onto the Nozomi Shinkansen down to Kyoto. 4 hours after landing in Narita we made it to our Hotel, a group of weary and grumpy travellers - my parents and sister came too for the Kyoto part of the trip.
We had booked a large luxury suite for us at the Rihga Royal Hotel but unfortunately my parents had booked a room far too small for the three of them, so we had to give up our wedding week hotel suite in exchange for a small business hotel type room. I was salty about it for quite a while, but they did cover our airfares which was nice, back when it was $750 return (now it's more than double)
My friends Rob, Kimi and their baby daughter had come down from Chiba and were staying conveniently in the hotel across the road. It was great to catch up with these guys as the last time I saw them was at their wedding in Brisbane!
Although this post is mainly about the wedding I have to assure you that we did all the normal Kyoto things and had a great time too, from visiting Temples, to the Railway Museum, Aquarium and Bamboo forest at Arashiyama. This was all pre-covid and pre-tourist boom remember so although busy it was nothing like what Ive seen that it's like nowadays. I doubt I'd ever go back because of that.
Marriage technicalities
We didn't get legally married in Japan. Instead we got married in a small featureless room buried inside a New Zealand government building a few months earlier with just my parents and sister as witnesses. It was far simpler in terms of sorting out the legal status in both countries to marry officially in NZ and register the marriage in Japan rather than the other way around.
Aside from my Dad springing the surprise of a bagpipe player walking us through the the waiting rooms full of bewildered onlookers at the Department of Internal Affairs, it was quick, easy and stress free. Married, just like that.
Shinto Wedding
The wedding itself was a Shinto Wedding, a traditional Japanese ceremony, held at Yoshida Jinja, a shrine in northern Kyoto.
Tomomi had arranged for everything to do with the Wedding. I just simply had to turn up and go and do what I was told to do, probably for the best too!
On the day, we arrived and the first order of business was to get dressed whilst our respective families waited together in a large waiting room to get acquainted It was the first time they had all met and there were probably some interesting interactions as either party could not speak the others language and Tomomi wasn't on hand initially to translate.
We had already done a fitting earlier that week for our outfits but it certainly did not prepare us for the actual day - both of us had a number of towels rolled/scrunched up and stuffed into our clothing to fill them out appropriately and achieve the 'correct' shape. This practice I believe is called hoseigi. This was all well and good early in the morning, but on a balmy hot spring day I felt not a whole way away from passing out due to the heat all through the day and could not wait to pull all of the towels out.
Our outfits were gorgeous though. Tomomi had a stunning red Iro-uchikake Kimono adorned with gold and white whilst I wore the typical Black Montsuki Kimono and striped Hamaka (skirt) with a Haori (jacket) over the top, finished with what I call the showerpuff, the Haorihimo. We both wore wooden sandals (with socks!) that were challenging to walk in, particularly during our processional walk with everyone trailing behind us as we headed to where the ceremony would take place.
.jpg "Japanese Shinto Wedding")
The ceremony
2) Purification (Shubatsu): A priest purifies the couple and attendees with a sacred branch to cleanse impurities.
4) Sake Ceremony (San-San-Kudo): The couple sips sake from three cups (small, medium, large) three times each, symbolizing past, present, and future.
.jpg "Japanese Shinto Wedding")
6) Offering (Tamagushi Hoten): The couple offers a sakaki branch to the gods. This has to be done in a certain way (we rehearsed it beforehand) followed by two bows, two claps and another bow. I even found a PDF guide on this part! Following this, our Fathers came forward and also did Tamagushi Hoten.
7) Ring Exchange (Yubiwa Kokan): A modern addition where rings are exchanged.
8) Family Toast (Shinzoku-hai): Family members drink sake together, uniting the two families.
And that was that
After the ceremony we had some more photos done, before being whisked away in a nice Toyota Crown taxi to a restaurant for lunch, where we changed into more western styled clothing and enjoyed a delicious traditional meal set next to a beautifully curated garden. After lunch we took a walk around the impressive Heian-Jingu Shrine and it's Meiji-era styled Gardens before retiring for the day.
We stayed in Kyoto a few more days whilst everyone else made their way to their respective homes. I finally got my wish of taking the Shinkansen all the way to Kyushu, by first taking a local train to Osaka so we could board the Sanyo Shinkansen that would take us all the way to Fukuoka and continuing onto Kumamoto for the rest of our holiday. It was about 4 hours if I remember correctly and I'd take that for such a long trip every time over having to go anywhere near an airport!
Studio Photos
I hope you enjoyed reading about our Wedding in Japan, I highly recommend it as an experience if you have any strong interest or connection with Japan, even if you are already married (as we technically were).
For more information regarding Weddings at Yoshida Shrine, or even some insight into a Shinto Wedding, you can check out Yoshida Shrines website for about the ceremony and Fees and logistics.
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